Monday, May 7, 2012
I recently read a book by Rachel Bertsche called MWF seeking BFF. It is a great non-fiction book about a girl who found herself in a new town and without her best friends. She spends one year in a friend-seeking marathon where she "asks out" total strangers, tries to move acquaintances into her "friend circle," and tries a whole bunch of other tactics to increase her number of close friends.
This author tells lots of great information on friendship. She shared that studies show that close friendship ties are waaaaay more important to our health than close family ties. Can you believe that? Having super close friends is essentially the cure all to your problems (well, not really, but pretty much).
This book also says that it's FANTASTIC to have a great relationship with your Mom. But she's your Mom, not your BFF. It's fantastic to have a super close relationship with your sister. But she's your Sister, not your BFF. And same goes for husband. If you expect your hubs to "hash" out a topic with you over and over again for hours, cry with you over it, and down a tub of ice cream with you over it, you're going to find yourself lacking. Most men weren't made that way, and they're not supposed to be. That's why we marry them! Because they're different than us, not the same.
One of the studies this author talks about breaks friendships down into four categories. 1) LIFERS--those who are as deep and forever as family. 2) Close buddies--intimate friends you could share almost anything with. 3) Casual Friends--those you could have lunch with or who serve a specific purpose such as a running partner. 4) Acquaintances--someone you know well enough to chat with if you saw them on the street. He said a WOMAN should have 3-5 lifers, 5-12 Close buddies, 10-50 Casual friends, 10-100 Acquaintances. So what did I do? I took out a piece of paper and started listing my friends--Yes, I'm dorky like that.
What did I find?
I am really lacking in the friendship department!
Here's my guess. First off, my LIFERS are such amazing LIFERS that sometimes I tend to think I don't need to look for anyone else. The problem with this is often our LIFERS don't live close enough that we can hang out super frequently.
Second of all, I don't live by many people in both my CASUAL FRIEND and ACQUAINTANCE categories any more. And we probably weren't ever close enough that I would look them up and try to maintain a long-distance friendship.
Third of all, when the heck do I have time to "foster" these friendships? Life is crazy for all the women I know.
However, this book made me realize I do crave friendship even though I've got my LIFERS, a great mom, a great sister, and a superb husband. I have one friend I only made within the last year and I love her. I have another handful of ladies I'd love to get closer to, but I just have to put my brave on and do it!
Have you read this? Where do you fit in on the friendship spectrum?
Posted by Maggie at 1:23 PM