Monday, May 7, 2012

Mommy Mondays: MWF seeking BFF



I recently read a book by Rachel Bertsche called MWF seeking BFF. It is a great non-fiction book about a girl who found herself in a new town and without her best friends. She spends one year in a friend-seeking marathon where she "asks out" total strangers, tries to move acquaintances into her "friend circle," and tries a whole bunch of other tactics to increase her number of close friends.
This author tells lots of great information on friendship. She shared that studies show that close friendship ties are waaaaay more important to our health than close family ties. Can you believe that? Having super close friends is essentially the cure all to your problems (well, not really, but pretty much).

This book also says that it's FANTASTIC to have a great relationship with your Mom. But she's your Mom, not your BFF. It's fantastic to have a super close relationship with your sister. But she's your Sister, not your BFF. And same goes for husband. If you expect your hubs to "hash" out a topic with you over and over again for hours, cry with you over it, and down a tub of ice cream with you over it, you're going to find yourself lacking. Most men weren't made that way, and they're not supposed to be. That's why we marry them! Because they're different than us, not the same.


One of the studies this author talks about breaks friendships down into four categories. 1) LIFERS--those who are as deep and forever as family. 2) Close buddies--intimate friends you could share almost anything with. 3) Casual Friends--those you could have lunch with or who serve a specific purpose such as a running partner. 4) Acquaintances--someone you know well enough to chat with if you saw them on the street. He said a WOMAN should have 3-5 lifers, 5-12 Close buddies, 10-50 Casual friends, 10-100 Acquaintances. So what did I do? I took out a piece of paper and started listing my friends--Yes, I'm dorky like that.
What did I find?

I am really lacking in the friendship department!

Why?

Here's my guess. First off, my LIFERS are such amazing LIFERS that sometimes I tend to think I don't need to look for anyone else. The problem with this is often our LIFERS don't live close enough that we can hang out super frequently.
Second of all, I don't live by many people in both my CASUAL FRIEND and ACQUAINTANCE categories any more. And we probably weren't ever close enough that I would look them up and try to maintain a long-distance friendship.
Third of all, when the heck do I have time to "foster" these friendships? Life is crazy for all the women I know.

However, this book made me realize I do crave friendship even though I've got my LIFERS, a great mom, a great sister, and a superb husband. I have one friend I only made within the last year and I love her. I have another handful of ladies I'd love to get closer to, but I just have to put my brave on and do it!

Have you read this? Where do you fit in on the friendship spectrum?

7 comments:

KaseyQ said...

Wow, this is way depressing. I don't think I have any lifers, other than my mom, and I guess she doesn't count...I just have always moved so much or my close friends end up moving and I'm a very visual person- if I don't see you on a regular basis, it's like you may as well not exist...I'm a horrible long-distance friend. And to be truthful, I am afraid of a lot of women. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm just so scared of being judged and I have definitely had some not-so-good experiences with "friends" whom I have inadvertently offended without even knowing that suddenly stopped talking to me, so it's very scary to think about trusting my heart to someone else like that. And then I guess I also have the feeling that my problems/concerns/worries are better kept to myself most of the time, because why should someone else have to deal with my junk? And to get brutally honest, I don't usually feel like I have enough time or energy to give to someone else's problems/concerns/worries.

Okay, sorry for going on the shrink's couch here! I think I need to read that book...

Western Warmth said...

Oh, now I want to read the book. I wonder how many women actually have enough of all of those categories. I feel like I have few to none of each :) besides acquaintances which I have loads of thanks to church and moving a lot.

Anyway, great food for thought, and I think I'll read that book!

Bobi
http://westernwarmth.blogspot.com

DeAnne said...

Very interesting. So, I can fill every single one of those spots on my list...(not that I did..). Do I get a gold star??? Does that make me a friend slut? (j/k) I think I know exactly why I can fill out my list without any problems. It's because in my situation, growing up, it wasn't a real happy family life and I NEEDED those friends desperately. I really value good friendships. But I have felt some frustration with making friends as I have been married. I think I realize now that it's because the more children we have, the busier we all get and it can be hard to get the friend time in. Still, I try to have my girls nights as often as is reasonably possible. I just might have to read this book...

Jessie Humphries said...

Wow, LIFERS are hard to come by. But seriously, my LIFERS live a lifetime away now. One in London and one in Australia...they might as well be on Mars.
But I think I am especially blessed to have developed some really great friends these last couple years from the writing community.
This is great food for thought. How come you didnt go to Storymakers girl? We could have become really close :). haha... I love spooning my friends :)

Emily R. King said...

I have very few Lifers. Most of them are my family (do they count?). This sounds like an interesting book to read. Thanks for introducing it to me!

james atel said...

its such a nice blog to provides info
hope more people discover your blog because you really know what you’re talking about. Can’t wait to read more from you!
for more plz visit
debt Settlementdebt Settlement

mis sold ppi said...

I just found your blog and want to say thank you! What an enjoyable time looking
through so many financial sites. Thanks for sharing