Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I'm Not The Mother I Was Going To Be
I was chatting with a group of friends a few weeks back about how we had turned out as mothers when one friend said, "I'm definitely not the mother I was going to be."
It made me think. Who was the mother I was going to be?
*Always looked beautiful
*Got skinny right away after having babies
*Read to my children everyday
*Had six kids
*Never watched my kids play at the park, always played with them
*Cooked nutritious meals
*Rarely turned on the TV
*Kept my children busy with a steady supply of activities
I started out with the best intentions. In fact, I remember when my oldest was 18 months. I said to my husband, "I've gotten this far without ever yelling. I'm sure I can get through the rest."
Wow, was I naive. Seven years (and several hoarse evenings later) I am definitely not the mom I planned to be. Don't get me wrong, I do my best, but I'm still learning.
When my first baby was two weeks old I started taking her to the library in the stroller. I took her to story-time. I took her to puppet shows! Seriously, a two week old baby? Yes. When she turned one I took her to the grocery store so she could "pick out" her own cake mix. I thought she was so BIG. I spent hours and hours with her attached to my little fingers to help her learn to walk. Nearly every milestone was photographed and videoed.
Now I'm on kiddo number four. He's one and I wouldn't have dreamed of having him pick his own cake mix. He's a baby for heaven sakes! He learned to walk just as fast as his sister without me walking him all over the countryside. There isn't a single video of him. Do I love him just as much? Oh my gosh, of course! Have I changed as a mother? Yes.
Then there was the time a woman with four kiddos brought them over for a play date to my house. She said to us mothers that one of her daughters could be such a "naughty brat" sometimes. I was shocked. How dare she think that about one of her own children? If she called her naughty, that would make her naughty! Right? I vowed to never let negative words about my children's behavior leave my lips. If I had kept that promise, and never had vented exactly what my children were being to my husband, I may have exploded by now.
Now, how does this all relate to writing? I guess it doesn't. But, my blog is called Mommy's Always Write, so I feel I reserve the right for today's post to be just about Mommyhood.
The silver lining to this post, though, is this: Even though I'm not the mother I planned to be, I have also found motherhood so much more rewarding than I planned it would be. It is harder. Oh man, it is harder. But the love I feel toward each of these littles is amazing. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
How are you a different mother from who you planned to be?
Posted by Maggie at 6:13 AM